The Funny Finish Line: Where Horse Racing and Laughter Meet Daily (03/31/23)

Welcome to “The Funny Finish Line: Where Horse Racing and Laughter Meet Daily,” brought to you by the Raymond Report! We’ve got some exciting races and hilarious jokes lined up for you today, so hold onto your hats (or jockey helmets) and let’s get started!

First up, we’ve got Race #3 at Aqueduct, where the horses are gearing up for an Allowance Optional Claiming race. Did you know that Aqueduct is located in Queens, New York, and was opened in 1894? The track record for 1 1/8 miles on dirt is held by the legendary Easy Goer, who ran it in 1:46.40 in 1989.

Now onto our picks for the race!

Our top pick at Aqueduct for the race is #2, Montauk Point, ridden by jockey Jose Lezcano with a 56% win record. We also like #3, Exit Right, ridden by Raymond Silvera with a 47% place record, and #6, Curbstone, ridden by Manny Franco with a 44% show record. But don’t forget about our Joker pick, #4, Complete Agenda, ridden by Trevor McCarthy with a 29% win record.

And if you’re feeling adventurous, try our Exacta box with 1/3, 3/6, and 6/4 or our Trifecta box with 1/3/6 and 4/3/6.

Now let’s head over to Golden Gate Fields for Race #3, where Maiden Special Weight horses will be running 6 furlongs on the all-weather track. Did you know that Golden Gate Fields is located in Berkeley, California, and opened in 1941? The track record for 6 furlongs on the all-weather track is held by Lost in the Fog, who ran it in 1:06.87 in 2005.

Here are our picks for the race!

Our top pick is #5, Miss Ives, ridden by Angel Ayuso with a 39% win record. We also like #6, First Point, ridden by Evin Roman with a 34% place record, and #1, Divine Passage, ridden by Silvio Amador Rivera with a 33% show record. Keep an eye on our Joker pick, #3, Surfline, ridden by Abel Cedillo with a 30% win record. And try our Exacta box with 5/6, 6/1, and 1/3 or our Trifecta box with 5/6/1 and 3/6/1.

Moving on to Gulfstream Park for Race #7, where the horses will be sprinting 6 furlongs on the dirt in an Allowance Optional Claiming race. Did you know that Gulfstream Park is located in Hallandale Beach, Florida, and opened in 1939? The track record for 6 furlongs on the dirt is held by Spectacular Bid, who ran it in 1:08.20 in 1980.

Here are our picks for the race!

Our top pick is #4, You Look Cold, ridden by Joel Rosario with a 28% win record. We also like #3, Bluefield, ridden by Edgard Zayas with a 28% place record, and #6, Starship Nala, ridden by Javier Castellano with a 27% show record. But keep an eye on our Joker pick, #2, Spirit Wind, ridden by Leonel Reyes with a 25% win record. And try our Exacta box with 4/3, 3/6, and 6/2 or our Trifecta box with 4/3/6 and 2/3/6.

Last but not least, we head to Laurel Park for Race #8, where the horses will be running 5 1/2 furlongs on the dirt in a Maiden Claiming race. Did you know that Laurel Park is located in Laurel, Maryland, and opened in 1911? The track record for 5 1/2 furlongs on the dirt is held by Action Andy, who ran it in 1:01.08 in 2012.

Here are our picks for the race!

Our top pick is #4, Step Ahead, ridden by Xavier Perez with a 46% win record. We also like #3, Strong Finish, ridden by Jevian Toledo with a 39% place record, and #6, Duke of Dooly, ridden by Jorge Rosado with a 30% show record. If you’re feeling lucky, try our Joker pick, #7, Spunky Irishman, ridden by Weston Hamilton with a 28% win record. And try our Exacta box with 4/3, 3/6, and 6/7 or our Trifecta box with 4/3/6 and 7/3/6.

Now, let’s lighten the mood with some hilarious horse racing jokes!

• Why did the jockey bring a ladder to the race? He wanted to reach the finish line faster!
• Why did the horse cross the road? To get to the neigh-bors!
• What do you call a horse that’s just been beaten in a race? A don’t-mare!
• Why was the horse so bad at poker? Because he was always a little hoarse!
• What do you call a horse that likes to run in the morning? A breakfast trotter!

And now, for some historical facts about some of the most famous races of the Triple Crown and jockeys from the past:

• The Kentucky Derby, the first race of the Triple Crown, was first run in 1875 and is held at Churchill Downs in Louisville, Kentucky. The race is often referred to as the “Run for the Roses” because the winning horse is draped in a blanket of roses. The fastest time ever run in the Kentucky Derby was by Secretariat in 1973, who completed the 1 1/4 mile race in 1:59.40.
• The Preakness Stakes, the second race of the Triple Crown, was first run in 1873 and is held at Pimlico Race Course in Baltimore, Maryland. The race is often called the “Middle Jewel” because it falls between the Kentucky Derby and the Belmont Stakes. The fastest time ever run in the Preakness Stakes was by Secretariat in 1973, who completed the 1 3/16 mile race in 1:53.00.
• The Belmont Stakes, the final race of the Triple Crown, was first run in 1867 and is held at Belmont Park in Elmont, New York. The race is often called the “Test of the Champion” because it is the longest of the three races at 1 1/2 miles. The fastest time ever run in the Belmont Stakes was by Secretariat in 1973, who completed the race in 2:24.00.
• Eddie Arcaro is considered one of the greatest jockeys of all time, with five Kentucky Derby wins and six Preakness Stakes wins. He also won two Triple Crowns, one with Whirlaway in 1941 and one with Citation in 1948.
• Bill Shoemaker, also known as “The Shoe,” is considered one of the greatest jockeys of all time, with 11 Triple Crown wins, four Kentucky Derby wins, five Preakness Stakes wins, and two Belmont Stakes wins. He rode for over 40 years, amassing over 8,800 wins, and was inducted into the National Museum of Racing and Hall of Fame in 1958.

Did you know that the Triple Crown has only been won 13 times in its history? The last horse to win the Triple Crown was Justify in 2018, ridden by Mike Smith. The longest gap between Triple Crown winners was between Affirmed in 1978 and American Pharoah in 2015, a gap of 37 years.

Well, that’s all for today’s edition of The Funny Finish Line! We hope you enjoyed our picks, our jokes, and our historical facts. Remember to bet responsibly and have a laugh along the way. Until next time, happy racing!